Coping Mechanisms

You never know what someone is going through. So be kind.

How many times have we read these words? Seen images of these on Facebook? At first read, these words mean nothing to us. What we are going through is the worst, the most complex and incomprehensible.

No one will ever understand what hardships we have to endure. Except, the saying is true. What someone else is going through, may not be easily identified and hidden behind those smiles and instagram photos, there is a sadness that you couldn’t fathom.

Yes, everyone has something that they can’t deal with but must hide behind filters on photos and smiles that hides a crushed heart. It seems no one will understand that pain, that overwhelming sadness that weighs on your chest and almost pushes you to the ground.

There is no one to turn to, to even talk with. Because deep inside, you know no one will understand. So, it is always better to keep smiling. Even when you don’t want to, you have to. Because the world judges tears. Tears are a sign of weakness, a sign that you’re dramatic or incapable of handling difficult situations.

To cope with these problems, we run, we hide, but we cannot escape. That sadness, the sense of despair, is forever within us. To push yourself to work is all that we can do. To lose yourself in a false sense of euphoria is another solution, but only temporary. After a few minutes, the lies you said to yourself to keep you happy, vanishes and what is left is far worse than what it is before.

Few understand, because they too have gone through something familiar. But they will understand only when we speak and in this terrifying world, who do we trust to conceal our secrets and help us dismiss our pain.

To be popular, it is better to conform. Or pretend to. It is better to lose yourself in the music, to dress in the latest trends and to behave like someone who is not you at all, but will slowly consume what you once were.

Being human is so complex, is it not? Feeling emotions is a curse, because, like in any vampire fiction, you cannot simply “turn it off”.

As a writer, it is easy to cope with all these feelings sometimes. Even when I feel too hopeless, I push myself to write and pour down all my feelings on written words. It’s an act of catharsis, and an easy way to feel unburdened by the persistent pain.

What becomes difficult, however, is writing fiction and writing about a character that has to go through some personal things that I have. Then, I cannot write. Because writing is my escape and if I have to write about someone who is going through the same problems I am, I freeze.

My characters are supposed to be stronger than I am. Strong, even when I cannot be. They are not allowed to succumb to despair. They have to fight for a happy ending. It’s easy for them too. Because in a matter of few pages, they get to win and I know in real life, things wouldn’t so conveniently fall into place.

Maybe it’s plain envy that forbids me from writing fiction when I feel this way. Why should they get to be happy, when I don’t. I control them, so I should have the power to make changes that keep me happy.

This of course, stays for about a short period of time. That feeling, where everything feels wrong is fortunately fleeting. Then I get back to the story, where I control everything and for once, I’m not jealous. I want the characters to be happy. I want them to live a life I have imagined for them and sometimes, myself.

If things don’t work out in real life, at least in my imagination they should always do.