You never know what
someone is going through. So be kind.
How many times have
we read these words? Seen images of these on Facebook? At first read,
these words mean nothing to us. What we are going through is the
worst, the most complex and incomprehensible.
No one will ever
understand what hardships we have to endure. Except, the saying is
true. What someone else is going through, may not be easily
identified and hidden behind those smiles and instagram photos, there
is a sadness that you couldn’t fathom.
Yes, everyone has
something that they can’t deal with but must hide behind filters on
photos and smiles that hides a crushed heart. It seems no one will
understand that pain, that overwhelming sadness that weighs on your
chest and almost pushes you to the ground.
There is no one to
turn to, to even talk with. Because deep inside, you know no one will
understand. So, it is always better to keep smiling. Even when you
don’t want to, you have to. Because the world judges tears. Tears
are a sign of weakness, a sign that you’re dramatic or incapable of
handling difficult situations.
To cope with these
problems, we run, we hide, but we cannot escape. That sadness, the
sense of despair, is forever within us. To push yourself to work is
all that we can do. To lose yourself in a false sense of euphoria is
another solution, but only temporary. After a few minutes, the lies
you said to yourself to keep you happy, vanishes and what is left is
far worse than what it is before.
Few understand,
because they too have gone through something familiar. But they will
understand only when we speak and in this terrifying world, who do we
trust to conceal our secrets and help us dismiss our pain.
To be popular, it is
better to conform. Or pretend to. It is better to lose yourself in
the music, to dress in the latest trends and to behave like someone
who is not you at all, but will slowly consume what you once were.
Being human is so
complex, is it not? Feeling emotions is a curse, because, like in any
vampire fiction, you cannot simply “turn it off”.
As a writer, it is
easy to cope with all these feelings sometimes. Even when I feel too
hopeless, I push myself to write and pour down all my feelings on
written words. It’s an act of catharsis, and an easy way to feel
unburdened by the persistent pain.
What becomes
difficult, however, is writing fiction and writing about a character
that has to go through some personal things that I have. Then, I
cannot write. Because writing is my escape and if I have to write
about someone who is going through the same problems I am, I freeze.
My characters are
supposed to be stronger than I am. Strong, even when I cannot be.
They are not allowed to succumb to despair. They have to fight for a
happy ending. It’s easy for them too. Because in a matter of few
pages, they get to win and I know in real life, things wouldn’t so
conveniently fall into place.
Maybe it’s plain
envy that forbids me from writing fiction when I feel this way. Why
should they get to be happy, when I don’t. I control them, so I
should have the power to make changes that keep me happy.
This of course,
stays for about a short period of time. That feeling, where
everything feels wrong is fortunately fleeting. Then I get back to
the story, where I control everything and for once, I’m not
jealous. I want the characters to be happy. I want them to live a
life I have imagined for them and sometimes, myself.
If things don’t
work out in real life, at least in my imagination they should always
do.
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