Horror Horoscope--March 9th to March 15th

 

The seasons are changing, and with them, the planets are moving about as well. One moment you’re having a relaxing day, the next you’re struck by lightning. 

Let’s see what the stars have in store for you this week. You’ll probably be okay. Hopefully. 

Aries: March 21 – April 19

You will be invited to the most fanciest place you have that until now only dreamed of. While you may be floating on clouds initially, and showing off to everyone how important you are, things will go downhill very fast. First of all, the staff is rude. Secondly, the other guests are competing with you for some reason. Thirdly, you find a secret room where the staff gathers every night and wear robes and chat. Did you just walk into a witch’s coven? Probably. 

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

Books can be your best friend. But this week, they turn into your greatest enemy. You will be enjoying the latest book you picked up for a low price, only to find the story is absurd. In fact, every time you read it, a character from it is manifesting in your home. You start seeing shadows wearing tophats. Perhaps it is time to pick another hobby. 

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

Ghosts may or may not exist. But zombies definitely do not. Or do they? This week, you will be surprised, or aghast, to encounter someone you thought was dead, creeping into your neighborhood. At first, you will think you got the rumors wrong, but soon enough you will find evidence that yes, that person had died, yet is roaming around the streets. In fact, more neighbors than you thought had left or passed away are walking around your house. Do not try to be a detective. Hiding is your best option. 

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

A friend’s family isn’t who you thought they would be. You thought they would be kind and friendly, just like your friend. But they behave aloof and aren’t too happy to see you when you come by. It will take you a few days, but eventually you will find that it wasn’t the family, it was your friend who is the problem. In fact, they don’t treat their family well at all. Would you still want to be friends with this person? Probably not. Make new friends this week or choose solitude. 

Leo: July 23 – August 22

A new job responsibility will take you and your colleague to a new place where you will receive training. The training program is okay, it is the place that gives you the creeps. More importantly, it is the people in that place that make you feel constantly at unease. Things take a drastic turn towards the end of the week when those people begin to interfere in your training program, making it harder for you to make any progress. Eventually, you may either have to leave that place or complain about them. In any case, this isn’t a week where you get a win.  

Virgo: August 23 – September 22

After people go missing in your neighborhood, you decide to be a hero and join the search party. Your puzzle-solving skills come in handy at first, but soon enough, you run into actual danger and realize you never learned any survival skills. The dangerous people and environment will make you run back home. This may seem like a cowardly act, but this week, the planets are saving your life. Better to be called a coward than to be called dead. 

Libra: September 23 – October 22

There is too much negativity around you. Way too much. In fact, you have been wearing every talisman you can think of to protect yourself. But now it’s no use. As the bad luck keeps mounting, you decide to stop going out. It’s safer at home, or so you think. When things keep breaking, and you keep getting hurt, and as a last resort, decide to get inside a salt circle. You will be safe for now. Until you leave the circle or the wind blows away the salt. 

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

You and your friend are on a break and have resorted to playing pranks on each other and then on unsuspecting victims, like the other holidaymakers. Unfortunately, you play a prank on someone who doesn’t have a sense of humor. His reaction gets both of you ousted from the area. This results in you and your friend getting into a fight and blaming each other. Your friendship may not sustain this event. How about a movie night next time instead of whatever this was?

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

You are a skeptic. It is something you are extremely proud of. If anyone says they believe in something, you immediately shut them down. The skeptic tag will be removed this week when you encounter a supernatural entity. You will begin to believe in spectres and ghosts and realize that you can be wrong. Unfortunately, as you go around telling people about your experience, no one will believe you. This will teach you what it is like to be on the other side of things. 

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

You’re so vain, you have a two-hour skin beauty regimen. You always have to look your best, even if it means spending huge amounts of money on it. This week, you will find out that your current routine isn’t working for you. Age has finally caught up to you, and going under the knife is the only option. But with a limited budget, you cannot get the required treatments all at once. And so, you have to do them step by step, and as a result, you don’t look so great at first. By midyear, you may be able to manage to get all the cosmetic procedures done. You may have a new face, but not much left to spend after that. 

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

Looks aren’t everything. Never judge a book by its cover. But who doesn’t in this modern world? This week, you will decide you want a new friend. You’ll tell yourself that appearances don’t matter, but they do. You want someone who is a bit bland-looking so that you always stand out wherever you go. Lucky for you, a demure person will enter your life. Unfortunately, they are not as nice and kind as you thought they looked. In fact, they have a really violent temper, enough to scare you. You may consider breaking up with them, but they refuse to let you go. If only you hadn’t been too particular about looks. 

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

This week, you will feel plenty adventurous. Not to go skydiving or anything, but go to a reportedly haunted house. It is a dare. If you complete it, you will be rewarded with money. If not, there is no one to give money to. Since you don’t believe in hauntings, you will readily accept this challenge, only to encounter vicious ghosts who hate you and want to get you out of the house. 

You could have just listened to their warnings, but instead you try to be brave and get into a lot of trouble.