HORROR HOROSCOPE: 12th October to 18th October

 

It’s Horror Horoscope time again, because the cosmos refuses to mind its own business. Here’s what the stars are threatening you with this week.

Aries: March 21 – April 19

You will visit a new restaurant this week. The food will be palatable, but your appetite will be ravenous. You can’t get enough of their food and crave it every day. Midweek, the restaurant will be closed down because their food supplies are found to be contaminated. When you learn what exactly you have been actually eating, you will not want to visit a restaurant again. You will lose some weight because of food poisoning. 

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

You will be hit by a bus but fortunately be fine. In fact, a little too fine. Doctors will be perplexed. News stories will be written about you. Your fifteen minutes of fame will be up when you meet someone who is facing health disorders. While you will be celebrating your newfound abilities, you will also be disappointed to learn that you just befriended a literal villain. You will be friendless after this experience. 

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

You will finally wake up from a coma. However, none of the people around you appear familiar to you, even though they promise they are your family. Since they have a couple of photographs, the doctors will be convinced that they can discharge you in their care. Once at home, you will realize that your family isn’t really your family and after your inheritance. You will manage to escape by burning down their house.

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

A visit to your elder family relatives takes a dark turn when you find out they really aren’t related to you. Your real family members are tied up and kept in the basement. You manage to find them and rescue them, but you refuse to visit any more family members after this incident. 

Leo: July 23 – August 22

 You visit a friend’s mansion to spend a fun weekend only to find out that her pet monkey has been acting odd. While your friend promises that their pet is completely harmless, you have your doubts, which are proven right when the monkey shows violent tendencies. Soon you will find yourself in hot water, literally, being the only safe spot away from the monkey. You may or may not survive the weekend depending on how quickly animal control comes to you. 

Virgo: August 23 – September 22

You rent a room in a new city while you rebuild your life, except of course it is haunted. The ghost is not even of someone you know. They just want you to send a message to the person who wronged them. You will have to hit pause on looking for your own stability while you try to help the ghost find peace and exit the premises. It’s not like you can find a cheaper room to rent in the city, anyway. 

Libra: September 23 – October 22

You finally afford to buy a new phone, but all you keep getting is wrong numbers from people who call you another name. When you conduct a little research, you find out that the person they have been calling has been dead for twenty years. In fact, the people who are calling have also been dead for a couple of years. Turns out you didn’t look at the fine print while buying the new phone, which was on special offer. 

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

A trip to the desert goes wrong when your vehicle breaks down, and you are stranded with minimal supplies. Of course, your phone will not work, and no one actually cares enough about you to come find you. Eventually, you will survive after remembering that one episode of a survival reality show you watched months back. 

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

You and your family move into a new house and immediately find things moving on their own, hear noises, and strange sounds. You will call a paranormal investigator who will assure you that there is no haunting, but you are certain there is. By the end of the week, you will realize there are no supernatural events in your house. Only a squatter who refuses to vacate the property. 

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

You will go swimming in your friend’s new pool but end up almost drowning. While everyone teases you for being a bad swimmer. Turns out there is a ghost in the swimming pool who wants revenge for something you weren’t involved in. Eventually, you will decide to distance yourself from this friend and find other friends with a pool that is not haunted. 

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

An ex-friend will surprise you with a gift that seems to be an antique. You will be delighted and consider being friends with them again until you start having visions. Your family and friends will think you have gone mad. You will think your home has an infestation and you have an incurable rash. Turns out the antique is cursed and giving you hallucinations. Eventually you will return the cursed item and free yourself from it. 

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

You and your family have made peace with the ghosts living in your house, but since your pets do not like them, you had to put them up for adoption. You eventually decide you do want a new pet and decide to leave the house, only for the friendly ghosts to turn unfriendly. Fortunately, by the end of the week, you will find a new pet ghost on your property.