Horror Horoscope: 5th October to 11th October

 

It’s Horror Horoscope time again, because the cosmos refuses to mind its own business. Here’s what the stars are threatening you with this week.

Aries: March 21 – April 19

It’s the fall season, and for you that means you will take a tumble down the stairs and hit your head. When you regain consciousness, don’t worry; the people around you will seem strange to you. They promise they are your family, but you are certain you have no family. By the end of the week, problems will be resolved, and you will have found out whether you always had a family or were living with a bunch of liars. Chances are they will be both. 

Taurus: April 20 – May 20

You will be cursed with misfortune this week because of all the bad deeds you have done over time. But that’s not all; you will also be haunted by people you have hurt recently. The hauntings and memories will leave you mad until you realize the only way to stop the guilt is to make amends. But no one will accept your apology. 

Gemini: May 21 – June 20

This week you will run out of clean clothes to wear and go shop for new ones. Your favorite store will not have your size, so you will try a new store only for them to sell you a pair of jeans that surprisingly has a mind of its own. You will find that only later in the week when your bullies begin to avoid you. Your new best friend will be a piece of fabric. 

Cancer: June 21 – July 22

You will be asked to babysit a neighbor’s kid, and things do not go that well. The kid is a brat. There’s not enough food in the fridge. You will receive blank calls on the landline. The lights will go off, and an intruder will try to break in. None of the phones will work, and you and the brat will have to work together to save yourselves. Fortunately, the stars are in your favor, and the parents return two hours later with cops. 

Leo: July 23 – August 22

 You and your friend will be feeling very adventurous this week and decide to climb the highest peak. While it's an adrenaline rush, it is also perilous, and of course things go wrong really quickly, like the ladder collapsing. With no way to descend, and your phones not working, you will be trapped for some time until one of you decides to come up with an ingenious plan to toss a phone down, wrapped in socks. Only one of you is likely to make it down. 

Virgo: August 23 – September 22

Your dreams will come true this week. Except you will learn that your dreams are not dreams but an alternate reality that is haunted by evil spirits who want to enter the living world. You are the conduit and unfortunately not a very good one. You may receive some external help, but you will avoid warnings and get everyone in trouble. 

Libra: September 23 – October 22

You and your friends will go to an amusement park to try out the roller coaster. While your friends are thrilled, you are afraid of heights and keep imagining scary scenarios in your head where the roller coaster gets stuck or goes off the rails and collapses. Once you get on, your anxiety will make you get off and pull away from some of your friends too, who will call you boring. As it turns out, the ride does face a malfunction, but you and your friends are safe from harm. For now. 

Scorpio: October 23 – November 21

You help people only when there are plenty of people around to see you doing it. This week, you won’t help an old lady because you do not have an audience. The old lady will curse you, causing you to be haunted by terrifying visions. This is a good week to avoid trains. 

Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21

You will think a music box found in a discount store is charming until it begins to make your wishes come true. Of course, the first thing to deal with is the people who have been giving you a hard time. But as it turns out, every wish comes with a terrible side effect. You lose something close to you. By the end of the week, the music box will still be working despite you trying to damage it, and the next victim could be you. 

Capricorn: December 22 – January 19

You have been stealing from your family. This week, you will be haunted by an ancestor who wants you to do the right thing. But you will ignore them. Little by little, you will lose small pieces that make your life convenient. By the end of the week, your family will receive what they are owed, but not because you gave it to them, but because you have gone half mad and no longer given control of your assets. 

Aquarius: January 20 – February 18

This week you will move into your dream home with your family, who are happy to finally get more space for a lower price. However, you have failed to mention why the house is actually cheaper. It’s because of the crimes. While you work from home and are busy doing research, your family will complain about strange things going on. You will wonder if your family is being haunted and focus on the wrong child before you realize the other child was the spirit’s target all along. 

Pisces: February 19 – March 20

You will buy the car of your dreams. It is second-hand, but it's all yours. You will be overly protective of it and not allow everyone to be a passenger. Your best friend will have qualms about your new obsession, and your partner will accuse your car of trying to get rid of it. Realizing your friend and partner are jealous of your new possession, you will distance yourself from them, only to discover they were right all along.