How To Survive Halloween: The Ultimate Checklist

 It’s that time of the year again. 

You may have survived the other horrors of the year, like paying taxes, dealing with difficult relatives during important occasions, the terrible weather, and let’s not forget the economy keeping us on edge about whether or not we will be able to afford food this month. 

No, it’s the one day of the year dedicated to all things spooky. A day when we watch horror movies, eat candy, and exchange fictional ghost stories. 

We also get pretty judgmental watching horror movies and remarking on how dumb the characters are for not following logical reasoning. But fear and adrenaline can perhaps get you to ignore basic common sense. 

Here’s a survival checklist to keep you safe from catastrophic events on and around Halloween: 

1) Avoid the lone man or kid standing outside your house in a mask. They’re just standing there, staring. Not moving. Kids are bumping against them as they search for candy, but they have fixated their attention either on your property or you. Don’t dismiss them. Call the police, draw attention to them, and until help arrives, keep doors and windows locked. 

2) Avoid blank calls. If you pick up a call and hear heavy breathing on the other end, immediately cancel the call. Do not forget to block that number. Also, install an app that can sometimes reveal the identity of your caller. Do not engage with the caller; do not ask what they want from you. Definitely do not get into a horror movie trivia game with them. 

3) If a door creaks open, it is NOT the wind. It’s either a trespasser or most likely a demon trying to get you curious enough to investigate the sounds. Do not fall for it. Chances are you will be pulled into the room and never leave again. Instead, ignore the creaking, or if you are close to it, lock it immediately and leave the house for some time. Hopefully, when you return, the ghost or trespasser will have become bored of waiting and left through the other exit it entered from. 

4) Always keep your phone charged. Carry a power bank if you have to at all times. The second you enter an area where it shows NO SIGNAL on your phone, immediately return and curb your adventurous ambitions. 

5) Always let someone know of your whereabouts. If you have no friends or family, post a message on social media for your 3 followers. At least someone out there will know you went for a hike into the woods to seek out the ghost of a witch or whatever urban legend has caught your fancy. 

6) Choose your friends wisely. If your friends come up with an unhinged idea to go on scary rides or haunted houses, leave them to their whims and go off to celebrate Halloween the way you want to. 

7) Don’t make fun of people in costumes. Especially clowns. That’s the easiest way to make enemies on Halloween night when people just want to dress up in their favorite characters. No need to be judgmental of people’s choices on Halloween night. If they want to dress up as a clown, stay 50 feet away from them. In fact, don’t even make eye contact. 

8) Antiques are usually cursed. Buying them doesn’t make you look classy. However, if you still want to pick up an antique that looks weird, do your research and definitely do not use it. Keep it in a locked display so that the curse stays within the object. 

9) Avoid treats from strangers. But it’s Halloween, you’ll argue. But do you know what can happen to you if you accept candy from an innocent-looking elderly person? Chances are they are supernatural shapeshifters and just fed you something that either turns you into a creature or makes you lose your willpower. Buy your own treats on Halloween. 

10) Don’t be a hero. You may be courageous and trying to impress your friends and crush. But by being brave, especially on Halloween, you are most likely to be the first victim of whoever your friend group decided to piss off. As soon as your friends get into a confrontation with someone who looks like they may have violent tendencies, turn on your heels and walk away. You can make other friends or reconnect with the survivors. 

Keeping these tips in mind, you may just be able to survive the scariest day of the year. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!