What happened then

I thought I would never talk about what happened a few months ago and that I would try and move past it and live in the present.  Then I saw this quote on Facebook about you being in charge of your own decisions and the consequences of that. I cannot remember the exact quote but it was something about your problems being your fault.

My reaction? REALLY!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!

Of course I used expletives while saying that but I’m not about to put it here on my “sacred” blog.

My point is that there is no way we are responsible for what happens to us. We cannot even try to put up a brave face sometimes when this horrible thing happens that shatters everything inside us.

I went through a phase that I wasn’t in control of. I didn’t decide to go through it. When I tried to fight, I was made to lose because that was what the time was at that time. No matter what I did, I failed and I was at a point that everything looked bleak and hopeless. I tried to be happy, in fact I got up every day and told myself: Today I’ll be happy.

Guess what? Me deciding that did nothing- zilch! Things would keep going wrong and then a lot worse until it broke me completely. All I had was the hope that someday it would get better.

The universe does not work according to what we want. If it did, I would have never let myself go through something so terrible that it would hurt me and break me at the same time. I wouldn't have allowed some people to come into my life and make me helpless. I wouldn't have let myself be hurt by the words they said and the things they did.

I wouldn't have let myself be in a position where I just broke down. This wasn't and isn't the life I have envisioned for myself.

I can choose to wish happy things but I lack the control and ability to do it. I want nice things to happen to me, to achieve success and be appreciated. But all this can happen with a bit of talent and hard work and a large amount of luck. Loads of it!